For those who live elsewhere, but work all day in their employer's private home, the job is less dynamic than it would be had they decided to "live-in", but it is still more dynamic than for those who actually work in a school, or center.
The relationships which work have some common denominators. First and foremost there is mutual respect for one another. Neither the parent, nor the Nanny should think of herself to be the more valuable human being. In other words, there is consideration for the others wants, needs, and time. The relationships which work are the ones where the parties are more involved in what they can give, rather than what they can take (or get away with, or take advantage of, etc. ) If you know of a family who has had a lot of success with their child care arrangement, 99% of those people are "givers". The same is true for the Nanny who seems to end up in the best situations almost all of the time - this Nanny, too, is a "giver". The parent or the Nanny who is super critical, or even just very picky will undoubtedly always find something to be dissatisfied about. Those who are defensive, perhaps justifiably so because they had a prior poor experience, may inadvertently create enough discomfort among those they interview, because of the nature of their questions, to get rejected.
Even Those with parent/Nanny relationships which have been successful have not been with out problems. Within the Professional Nanny Network (College and Career Program), we have many times heard a parent, or a Nanny say "So-and-so has had such good luck". Be advised, it has nothing whatsoever to do with "luck". That's like saying that someone's marriage worked because they were lucky. It works because the people involved are solution seekers. Perhaps because they are respectful of one another, instead of faultfinding, blaming and seeing catastrophes. They look immediately to solutions when problems come up. Most of the time, they find the solutions they're looking for and the relationship has longevity.
WORK AGREEMENT
DAILY LOG BINDER
TRANSITION TO A NEW POSITION
ORIENTATION TO THE FAMILY
WORKING WITH THE NEW MOTHER
PRIVACY ISSUES
CURFEWS
AUTOMOBILE AS A BENEFIT
FREQUENT MEETINGS
SPEAK UP WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND
BE ON TIME
PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
TERMINATION FRICTION
FRIENDS AND VISITS
HOUSEWORK
WORKING IN STRESSFUL ENVIRONMENT
TELEPHONE USE WHEN LIVING-IN
DIFFERING CHILD-CARE PHILOSOPHIES
AT-HOME PARENT
EXTENDING YOUR WORK AGREEMENT
BONUS AND SALARY INCREASES
SCHEDULES
ERRANDS WHILE ON-DUTY
SCHEDULING VACATIONS
TRAVELING WITH THE FAMILY
WHEN TO TELL THE CHILDREN YOU'RE LEAVING
This is a necessity. It is the parent's responsibility to initiate. A good idea is to put understandings in writing. The Nanny's duties in the agreement, should be completed by the parent(s) for the Nanny, before beginning the caring for their child(ren).
Every home should have a special binder containing daily notes on each child. In addition to keeping a daily log, emergency medical information on each child should be in the binder, along with emergency telephone numbers, as well as recipes, menus, playgroup/activities schedules, and car pool information, are among those things that should be included. The binder should be kept in the kitchen where all adults have access to it.
Once a position has been accepted, getting to know each other is the next big step. If the family has more than one child, its a good idea to structure the transition so that time can be spent with one child at a time. Children are naturally competitive when it comes to the significant adults in their lives and its easier to focus on one child at a time. Perhaps a morning with one, and then the afternoon with the other can be arranged. This will make a big difference starting on the first full day of work. Each child will have had an opportunity to get to know you and vice versa. You'll feel more comfortable with them, thus more confident, and it will show.
However formal this may sound, it is more important for the Nanny who is working in a private home. Parents should assist you with the process of orientation using the forms included in the this section. These forms aren't intended to be a knowledge assessment, but rather an efficient way to get to know the children and the environment. Parents should also complete the Orientation to Family "Process" form included here to be certain that you have the information you need to get off on the right foot. Keep in mind that routine is very important to children, especially young children. The more you know about the family members and the home, the less stress everyone will feel. There are a few very important topics to address first when starting a job in your employer's home.
Few new moms anticipate the ambivalence they will feel when the time comes for them to return to work and leave the baby with the Nanny. It is common to see anxiety on the part of the new mother which manifests in what appears to be a lack of confidence in the Nanny, distrust or general irritability. Needless to say, this doesn't do a lot for the relationship, especially at this early stage. Empathy is what's needed in these situations as well as some planning to help avoid this problem. It helps if the Nanny is hired in enough time prior to the start of the job to enable her to spend some time with the mother and baby. We suggest that the Nanny spend several days with the mom, getting to know her and the baby's routine. As everyone becomes more comfortable, encourage mom to let you care for the baby while she does errands, etc.. Gradually increasing the amount of time that you are caring for the baby is the ideal scenario and works extremely well. Be sure you are as attentive to the things on which the mother puts emphasis. This will help her feel more comfortable and trusting. There may be things she wants you to do, or precautions to take, which you may not think are important. Do it anyway. Taking some extra time with something, or going out of your way is a small price to pay to help the new mom feel more comfortable as she makes the adjustment from home to work.
These should always be discussed before starting the job. The "Orientation to Family" information contains a communication exercise called a Process Recording, which is helpful once the job has been accepted. However every job is different and you may need to think through the privacy element before you can decide if a particular job is right for you. Think about other situations you have worked in, lived in, or otherwise experienced. What were your "pet peeves" in those situations? What are your morning, evening, weekend habits that you enjoy and may not be willing to change? What about mealtime? How will it change with this job? What if the family prefers to eat alone, or just the parents prefer to eat alone? Your habits should be compared with theirs and discussed. Let the family know that you want to honor their particular family rituals. Give them "permission" to tell you what it is they really prefer. This will make it easier for you to tell them more about what your needs are.
When the Nanny lives in a family's home, the topic of curfew may come up. A responsible adult will not require another adult to set limits. There are some instances where it makes sense for all members residing in a home to be in at a particular time. For instance, dogs may bark and wake up the neighborhood as you come in. Parents know that when they have had too little sleep they may be impatient, slow to respond, not interactive with the child and perhaps a safety hazard. If you are out until one or two o'clock in the morning, they may feel worried and anxious at work and wonder if you fell asleep while dinner was cooking. Everyone wants to avoid situations that they know may alter judgment and the energy it takes to be a responsible Nanny. A responsible Nanny would always be in at a reasonable hour which is an indication that the Nanny possesses good judgment and takes her work responsibilities seriously as well as the interpersonal relationship with the employer.
In many situations, the family/employer provides a car for the Nanny to use when transporting the children and/or for the Nanny's personal use. Cars are expensive to purchase, to maintain and to insure. If the Nanny has prior incidents on her driving record which has raised the insurance premium, it is not uncommon for the employer to request that the Nanny pay the difference in cost because of the unsafe driving points on her driving record. In the event of an accident while on duty. If the Nanny is at fault, it is reasonable that s/he should pay the deductible.
It is not unusual for the employer to expect the Nanny to put gas in the car when it is used during off-duty hours. The employer may limit the amount of miles per week for personal use in order to conserve the life of the car for as many years as possible and to keep it's value.
If an employer wants you to use your own car to transport the children, etc. , they should give you the current IRS mileage allowance and pay for the gas.
Some employers will offer to purchase a car for the Nanny and then deduct an amount from the weekly salary to pay back the loan at no interest. In this instance, you should choose a car that you want to own.
It is a good idea to plan to meet weekly to discuss what's going on and also just for the opportunity to talk to one another without the children. You will tend to know and like each other better because you have both taken the time to get to know one another. This is a relationship maintenance practice which is proof that the parties value the relationship and each other's role in it.
This cannot be emphasized enough. Each person has a responsibility to speak up anytime something needs to be discussed, otherwise resentment brews, burnout accelerates, and tempers can flare. Don't be afraid of hurting someone else's feelings. You are hurting the relationship by keeping your feelings to yourself and building resentment. Usually when someone says they don't want to hurt an others feelings, they really mean that they feel awkward, or uncomfortable discussing what ever is on their mind. Keep in mind, those things that really bother us that we are reluctant to discuss, are usually the things that really need to be communicated for the sake of the relationship.
This is an issue for both parents and Nanny. It is essential to call if you are going to be late for any reason. Not doing so suggests disrespect for the other person. This is an issue which comes up most frequently with parents who are running late. If this happens often, discuss it and try to build in some extra time at the end of the day. If possible ask to be compensated. To avoid discussion and simmer with anger because your plans were ruined, will erode the relationship. Bring it up in a non-threatening manner. Use the Process Recording form mentioned above in the Orientation section.
Go out of your way to do something thoughtful. Offer to stay with the children if they'd like to get away overnight. You might be amazed at the kind of chain reaction you can start. This is another form of "relationship maintenance" which strengthens the employer/employee relationship and builds up good feelings for those times when things become stressful as they sometimes will.
When the Nanny has given notice and is leaving, friction can rear its ugly head even in the best of situations. For many people it is difficult to separate amicably. It seems that some of us need to get on each others' nerves as part of the ritual of leaving. This is a pattern that has been seen in hundreds of situations. It is probably easier to say good-bye this way, however its stressful and there are better ways to separate. The important thing is to know it happens, and to talk about it. Try to see the humor whenever you can. The Nanny may find that the things, or certain little habits her employer has always had, really start to annoy her during her employment. It also, works the other way for the parent/employer. Remember that this is a normal occurrence. Be aware of this dynamic and don't let it give you amnesia. You wouldn't be going through this if you didn't like each other.
As with any other job, the employee's friends should never be at your workplace while you are on duty. Telephone conversations should be limited to confirming plans or arranging for a time to talk when you are off duty. Let your friends know that you take your job seriously. If you live-in, it is not appropriate to have many different dates come to the house to pick you up. You should meet elsewhere.
Let your significant other know that you take your job seriously and handle your relationship in a responsible manner. Only a Òsignificant otherÓ should come to your employer's home if you live-in, but only with an agreement with the family. If you live out, it should never occur unless you are being picked up or dropped off.
Housework as a major part of the responsibility should always be under a separate agreement with an amount of salary apportioned for that responsibility in order to clearly identify from the main responsibility of a Nanny. Should you find that it is too much and you wish to drop the housework from your duties, that portion of the salary can be dropped. Before agreeing to include housework with the child-care, be certain of the expectation, i. e. , what duties are included (bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, whole house, etc. ) and whether or not you are capable of handling all of it.
Because some employers do not recognize the time involved in heavy housework chores, if there is a child crawling around when you are trying to wash the kitchen floor, or a toddler disappearing up the stairs, as your first responsibility is to the child, the task might not be completed. It is stressful to continually be interrupted which can be the case when combining child-care and housekeeping.
Resentment could become an issue if the Nanny feels like a maid, or being taken advantage of . Beware of employers who seem to be squeezing every ounce of work from you. To avoid these 'pit falls,' both the Nanny and the employers must understand and agree to the duties involved from the beginning and negotiate any new responsibilities separately as they appear.
You have the right to work in a reasonably stress-free environment. In situations where there is 'tension' in the household, i. e. , your employees arguing, cold wars, yelling or other behaviors which may be uncomfortable for you. Consider approaching them to let them know that their behavior is a problem for you. This may encourage them to find better solutions for coping with their communication with each other.
If an older child or another family member is creating 'tension' in your work setting, you must discuss this problem with the appropriate person. (Refer to the Chapter on 'Communication' for ways to discuss problems with your employer).
If there isn't a private line already, you may request your own phone line into the house which you should expect to pay for yourself. This win avoid friction such as, "whose long distance calls are who's late night calls," "not having a phone available when you need one," etc. This is an option, to discuss with your potential employer.
Ideally, your employers' and your child rearing philosophies will not be radically different, however, an issue may present itself when the job is well underway. Parents will determine the style of limit setting, what friends are allowed to visit, etc. . Should the Nanny become aware of the possibility of any abuse, physical, verbal, sexual, you should contact an abuse 'hot line' for advice. (Refer to the Chapter on Ethics). Under all other circumstances, the Nanny has the responsibility to follow the parent's directives for the care of their child(ren), to follow their guidelines at all times.
Often, parents will request more from a professional Nanny than what they, themselves, may do when caring for their child(ren). For instance, a parent may ask that you never turn the TV on and instead expect that you spend that time more creatively, and when the weekend comes you see that the children are mesmerized in front of the 'tube' while mom and dad are reading the newspaper. This is their right. Many parents simply don't have the energy to be creative on the weekends. If this is a difficult area for you to accept, it may be wise to recognize it and deal with it before it becomes an issue on the job.
Some Nannies will not even interview for a position where there is a parent at home during the day. When interviewing for this kind of position, look for sensitivity in the at-home parent to 'back you up' and that mom or dad won't be continuously giving orders over your shoulders and will allow you to do your job.
It is usually difficult for the Nanny to form a bond with the child if she is competing with mom or dad because the child, (especially younger), tends to want to be with family members over the Nanny. Some parents understand how to successfully be at home and blend into the environment in a helpful way so as not to disrupt the routine, such is the case when any other person enters a room, the dynamics changes.
If a parent sees you only as a 'Helper,' you may feel dissatisfied if you feel like you are being treated like a maid. You were hired as a Nanny.
Ask for references. Before accepting the position, ask the name of the Nanny that was previously employed in the position you are considering, and ask questions such as:
Professionalnanny.com advises parents to extend the work agreement at each six month point, to extend the agreement for a year in advance. Parent/employers want continuity, which is very important, and would like to have a Nanny stay as long as possible in their employ. (Most agencies will not place a Nanny who cannot or will not guarantee a one year minimum agreement). Therefore, you may be approached by your employer at the six month point of your first year, to ask if you would like to extend your agreement beyond the first year. This also provides a vehicle to plan ahead, to discuss ways to meet each others long term needs, changes, to ensure continuity for the child(ren).
Performance Reviews in writing are encouraged as a basis for salary increases. Salary Increases will vary depending on your review. Written reviews will also help to measure how you are meeting your goals, to settle possible conflicts, and will be good to have in your portfolio for the future.
Bonuses may be given in lieu of a raise, especially if the employer wants to retain you for the long haul. Raising the Nanny's base salary could result in the family not being able to afford the Nanny.
Your position should not be so cumbersome as to leave you no time for a social life. Everyone needs balance in their life and without it, will not function effectively. Employer's who do not recognize this should be avoided. The most common in-home Nanny is 8:00 a. m. to 6:00 p. m. Beyond that, any combination of hours can be negotiated depending on the family needs. Jobs which are advertised as having two to three hours off during the day supposedly enabling the employer the right to expect you to work the two or three hours beyond what is usually expected is unfair. The only exception to this is if you are attending classes during that off-time, or have another responsibility. Even in these instances, however, if a child is ill, the Nanny must miss the class or the other responsibility in order to stay with the ill child. That is the standard expectation. Any deviation in time must be discussed with the employer.
As with any other kind of job, it is unprofessional to do your own errands on your employer's 'dime.' The unsupervised nature of this job lends itself to type of abuse. The employer expects to have all the time agreed upon spent on the specific needs of the child and the family. Unless part of your duties resist the tendency to drop by the mall to look for something to wear out to dinner while you are on-duty. DonÕt be unfair to the employer and to the child(ren).
The Nanny and the employer should mutually decide what the vacation schedule will be. It should never be the decision of one or the other alone. This might have been discussed during the interview and stipulation made as part of the job offer.
Accompanying the family on their vacation can be tricky. You are working, otherwise you may not have been invited to go along. If it is your vacation, you would be taking it away from your job, with your own family or friends. Therefore, if you are with the family, you are on-duty. Discuss, determine, and be absolutely certain what your schedule will be when you get there. The most nightmarish vacations have been when the Nanny went along expecting the fun on the islands and finding herself in the hotel room watching a sleeping infant while everyone else is at the beach. Most employers will be sensitive and be flexible, but it is imperative to prearrange your schedule to avoid resentment.
We advocate telling the children that you will be leaving at the time that you begin your job. Too many times, parents and nannies joke about "staying forever" and to children, this becomes their expectation. It is normal and healthy for anyone, in any job, to grow out of it, to want to seek different experiences. It doesn't mean that you care any less for the people you work for, its just a fact of life in our society. You should discuss with the parents when you will tell the children, but again, it is recommended that you do so immediately. Ideally, prior to telling them, you and the parents should plan a time for you to return to visit so that when you tell the children you are leaving, you tell them at the same time when you will be back to see them. Keep in mind that children as young as six to eight months - although pre-verbal - understand what is said. Therefore, never talk in front of them about things you don't want them to know.
Another reason why you should be authentic with them is that they WILL pick up on the little nuances, the subtle hints that you will undoubtedly let slip. For instance, you may not talk about what you will be doing on a particular child's birthday because you know you won't be there, etc. If a child knows something is up and no one is talking about it, it causes anxiety for them which is needless. When you tell them, keep it matter-of-fact. Talk about when you will be back to visit. Plan to write to one another. Perhaps the worst-case situation would be for the Nanny to disappear. This can be very traumatic to a child and ethically speaking, should never be done. Creating a gradual transition is vital to the well-being of the child and this should be kept in mind, in all situations.
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